And now, the Queen of the International Broom Riders is backing Obama. I thought she said he wasn't ready to answer the phone at 3 am?! This must mean that he has figured out how the phone works, but still wouldn't know what to say.
In my pill riddled mind, if Barrack did answer the phone, I imagined it would go something like this.
Ring, ring, ring, ring ring ring ring ( 79 times later) Uh, Uh, This is the Grand Imperial Pubah, I mean, this is the High Muckey Muck, no I mean I'm , I'm, Oh yeah, this is the President.
Mr. President, This is Reichsfurher Ishcabibble, and we have detected a break in at the local Taco Bell and a missile launch from North Korea headed toward the South. How would you like to proceed?
Well, bring the North Koreans to the table and promise them that we will have the party taco platter and that both Alec Baldwin and Barbara Streisand will attend. We will serve cherry/vanilla coke. That should bring them to the table.
But Mr. President, we won't have time to negotiate as we only have 6 minutes till the missiles detonate.
Well, you'll just have to tell the South Koreans they will have have to live with things for the time being and that we will save them whatever is left of the taco platter, along with a Barbara Streisand's greatest hits album. That should placate them. Oh and to cover the cost of the taco platter, declare martial law and raise taxes to 80 percent of the average Americans gross income. We need more donations, ER I mean taxes as Reverend Wright needs an addition on his house, and I've got my eye on a new presidential yacht. I figured if I could get a new yacht, maybe then my wife would be both proud of me and her country.Yes sir Mr President. Oh and Ish, throw in a new Ferrari for yourself. You deserve it as you've worked hard since you became head of the joint chiefs since you left your job as the head greeter at Wal Mart.
Day 2. The fuck up continues.
3.45 PM Ring, Ring, ( 97 times later) Uh, Ihg, Uh, This is the High Wizard of the Church of Don't Know Shit, er, I mean, this is the President. Why are you calling me. I left instructions with the lawn care people, who have replaced the Secret Service, that I was not to be disturbed as it was Pee Wee Herman's birthday yesterday and we celebrated late into the night with a group jerk off at the local theater.
Mr. President, congress wants to know what you want to do about all of the illegals that are in the country?
Well, ya know what, tell Senator McCain that since he is from Arizona, and he lost, that we are going to give Arizona back to Mexico, and for good measure, New Mexico will become old Mexico, and we will give that back too. And give them 12 billion dollars, that should tide them over. And since Hillary said I couldn't answer the phone at 3 am, we'll just give them New York City also.
And while you're at it, disband the Navy and the Marines. I don't want those bastards to have a bigger boat then I do! And ice cream, where is my ice cream. With jimmies and a cherry on top! And why is this phone red? I specifically told them I wanted a peach colored phone!
